


when i can't find my way home anymore

by andromedabennet



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Meta, We hate "James Rathburg" in this story, Y'all know who I mean, season 7 who?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:16:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26415535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andromedabennet/pseuds/andromedabennet
Summary: Clarke and Bellamy have been starring on a Star Wars spinoff show for seven years, taking them through the perils of survival on an unexplored planet in Wild Space.But their showrunner can't stand the popularity of Bellamy's character and the ship that they've spawned, so he decides to make Clarke kill him. It's out of character, it destroys years of character growth, and it enrages the fans.Most of all, though, it makes Clarke's stomach turn to imagine having to kill her husband, even on set in a fictional tv show. It feels deliberately cruel.It's a good thing they can give it their own happy ending.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 21
Kudos: 151





	when i can't find my way home anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Season 7 is fake confirmed.
> 
> This was incredibly cathartic to write. Is it basically just real people fanfic? Yeah, but I'm /processing/.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What happened?” Bellamy asks, putting his phone down on the arm of the couch.

“Did you see the new script?”

“The one for my death? I haven’t gotten it yet. Is it worse than we thought? We knew he would make it bad.”

“Fuck James,” is all she says, sitting down heavily next to him.

“What did they go with? Shot by a rogue droid? Accidentally crashed the TIE fighter after we finally managed to rebuild it?” She doesn’t say anything in response, so he continues. “Is it at least a cool death? I don’t want to be taken out by whatever species Jar-Jar Binks was. That would be cruel.”

She laughs. _Cruel._ Imagine that…

“No, they decided to nuke everything.”

He squints at her. “Literally or figuratively?”

“Figuratively. I kill you.”

“You _what?_ How could they make you—? Give me that,” he says, already stealing the script out of her hands, pages folded back to the scene.

***

She’d met Bellamy seven years previously during the final rounds of chemistry testing for the new Star Wars live action show. 

She remembers being so excited back then, knowing that they’d be bringing to life a really interesting and important story wrapped up in a tale about survival. Her character, Lora Terrand, was a bisexual woman who had grown up in the heart of the Empire. Her parents were both important members of the government acting as spies for the Resistance, and she grew up in a state of both immense opulence and constant danger. Her parents, whispering in the night, had taught her of the horrors of the Empire and the things that had been done so the people of their planet could live in such luxury.

Lora’s parents were eventually discovered and killed, though she managed to escape, old enough to pilot a starfighter with no direction in mind.

Of course, through a brief series of problems early on, she ended up crashing on a planet in Wild Space, where things were almost completely unexplored.

The story was one of surviving, showing how Lora managed to convince the people living on that planet that she wasn’t a danger to them. They were in a faction war on the planet, and Lora’s knowledge of military tactics and science made her useful, but it also put a target on her back. Everyone seemed to constantly shift between wanting to keep her and wanting to kill her.

Clarke had instantly fallen in love with the character, being so intrigued by this woman who was determined to keep fighting and find a better future for herself. Once Lora accepted that she would likely never leave the planet of Arkadia, she became deeply involved in trying to help them broker peace.

Once the casting directors had officially decided to make Clarke their Lora, she was called in to screentest with the potential actors left in the running to play Rhysio Melne, the bad boy leader of one of the defiant factions. Rhysio was the other main character, so it was important that they find the right pairing. He was her enemy at first, as he was the most obvious in his distrust for the newcomer to their planet, but eventually he would become her most trusted ally, working together to try to win the war in a way that would benefit as many people as possible from all sides of the conflict. Perpetual war wasn’t good for any of them.

James Rathburg, their showrunner, had been keen on Finn Collins to play Rhysio, wanting to capitalize on his fame coming off some teen drama that Clarke had never seen. Finn was an ‘it boy’, sweet and popular in a seemingly effortless way.

(Of course, Clarke had heard rumors that it was hardly effortless on his part — he played as much of a role on social media and in front of paparazzi as he did on set. His authentic self was much more of an annoying hassle.)

But Clarke had been insistent, after watching some of the tapes from the Rhysio callbacks, that Bellamy Blake (audition #26) be allowed to come in to chemistry test with her.

James hadn’t been thrilled with the idea, certain that he’d already found the perfect actor for the part, but when Bellamy and Clarke had gotten into a heated argument about something innocuous just before the audition was set to start, even he’d been forced to admit that the anger masking a spark was hard to miss.

Bellamy had been hired, and Clarke was glad about it. He was the first person that had really _felt_ like Rhysio to her. The rage and heat that would eventually turn into something more was almost tangible between them when they slipped into character.

Finn still managed to get a role in the show. James wasn’t willing to be completely wrong about his instance on having him in the cast. But the part was smaller at least, even if Lora did have a brief fling with him after a particularly emotional series of events.

Rhysio and Lora were meant to slowly become soulmates, willing to die for each other and placing the other above all else. The writers didn’t seem sure if it would be romantic or platonic, but it was clear that their dynamic would be the center of the show no matter what.

Naturally, it didn’t even take that long for people to start shipping. As soon as the first episode aired, showing them meeting at the end of the hour long program with antagonism crackling between them electrically, people were already off tweeting about the #Rhyra possibilities. Or would it be #Lorsio? The burgeoning fandom was split on the issue.

And six seasons later, after many different (and short-lived) romantic relationships on both sides, the majority of people were still waiting for the inevitable Lorsio endgame. They were like magnets, always pulled back to each other no matter what else came between them.

It probably shouldn’t have been _that_ surprising, given the incredible amount of chemistry that everyone could see blatantly on their screens, when Bellamy and Clarke had announced their surprise wedding to the public after season six had wrapped. No one had known though, and so the corner of the internet that enjoyed a small screen Star Wars spinoff was abuzz with the revelation.

People who had shipped Lora with Lexa’s immensely popular Heva Dreicharc (and the much smaller minority who had shipped her with Finn’s Tycho Cardas) were up in arms, seeming to take their real life romance as a slight against their favorite characters.

Clarke had tried to understand the impulse towards anger, but she really didn’t. She loved watching good television as much as the next person, and she even became attached to her favorite characters and romantic pairings, but she’d never actually assumed that they had to get together in real life.

She wasn’t really sure how being married to Bellamy was some kind of betrayal in the shipping war, given the fact that both Lexa’s Heva and Finn’s Tycho were long dead, but she didn’t bother trying to defend herself. They could have the characters — could write their fanfics and make their fanart and have their headcanons — but she didn’t owe them anything else. She wasn’t going to sacrifice her happiness on the altar of the Hevra ship.

(And anyways, she and Lexa were still friends, though distantly now. They still met occasionally to drink wine and laugh about their twitter mentions.)

But overall, everything seemed to be going well coming out of season six. For part of the season, Lora and Rhysio had been separated, at which point Russel Prime, a character from a rival faction who could tap into the dark side of the force, started to mess with Lora’s mind, turning her evil until Rhysio managed to break her out of it in the finale.

It would’ve been the perfect time for the long-awaited kiss in Clarke’s opinion, but she didn’t mention that to the writers. The journey was long, they said, and she was certain it was heading to an inevitable conclusion in the upcoming final season.

Of course, that’s when it all started to go wrong.

James started openly antagonizing Bellamy on the set whenever he visited, and though Bellamy had tried to avoid confrontation, it was almost impossible. James did anything and everything to single him out or make him uncomfortable.

And she had known, in the back of her mind, that James hadn’t been happy about how much attention Rhysio got as a character. He’d wanted more for Finn and Tycho, but people weren’t invested in that dynamic. Then he’d wanted to go the whole “girl power” route, totally ignoring the fact that Lora already _was_ strong, and a willingness to be vulnerable with someone didn’t make her weak. On the contrary, it would make her stronger, because it would prove that she was secure enough to fully let someone else in despite everything that had happened to her.

Clarke had hoped that, over time, the success of the show and fans’ love for the relationship between Lora and Rhysio would eventually bring James around on the situation, but it only made him more bitter. It seemed that he only wanted the show to succeed if it was going _his way._ He’d rather watch things crash and burn than end in a way that actually satisfied the audience.

So Rhysio was cut almost entirely from the last season, hasty rewrites happening almost up to the day that an episode was filmed. He had informed them months ago that Rhysio would die this season, and though Bellamy was upset after so many years spent loving this character and turning him into something great, he had been professional when learning the news.

More professional than James had ever been, certainly.

***

“Holy shit,” he breathes, reading through Rhysio’s final scene.

**_LORA_ **

_(raising her blaster)_

**_You know I can’t trust you anymore, Rhys. Not after you tried to make a deal with Vysatra against Arkadia._ **

**_RHYSIO_ **

**_You weren’t even in the meeting! The Vysatrian people don’t want to hurt us — they didn’t even know anyone else was here! If we ally ourselves with them, we might eventually make it out of the Wild Space. ALL of us._ **

**_LORA_ **

**_They are going to get us all killed, and you’re going to let them._ **

**_RHYSIO_ **

**_Don’t you trust me, Lor? After everything?_ **

**_LORA_ **

**_Don’t make this about me. I’m not the traitor here._ **

**_RHYSIO_ **

_(growing more desperate)_

**_I’m not a traitor, and you know it! You would’ve made the same deal if you were there. If you’ll just let me explain what it’s actually about—_ **

**_LORA_ **

_(angrily)_

**_No._ **

_LORA puts her finger on the trigger, making it clear that she is serious. CLOSE UP on Rhysio’s face as he processes this. RHYSIO slowly raises his hands, showing that he isn’t going to try to fight back._

**_RHYSIO_ **

**_Lor, you aren’t going to kill me. Please, please… just let me explain._ **

**_LORA_ ** **_  
_** **_Why should I listen to you after what you’ve done?_ **

**_RHYSIO_ **

**_Because you know who I am. You know I would do anything to protect our people. We’ve been doing that together for so long._ **

**_LORA_ **

_(aiming the blaster directly at his heart)_

**_So much for together._ **

**_RHYSIO_ **

**_Lor—_ **

_LORA pulls the trigger, smiling with the thought that she has just saved her people. RHYSIO is hit by the blast directly to his heart, falling instantly to the ground. CLOSE UP on Rhysio’s lifeless eyes before PANNING back to see Lora step over his body to walk out, not looking back._

**_END SCENE_ **

**_FADE TO CREDITS_ **

_“What?”_ Bellamy asks, shocked by what he’s read. “Why would they think this is the right way to kill him off?”

“I don’t think they want to give you a good death. They just want to ruin everything good between us.”

“Yeah, but James adores you.”

“So?” She asks, not seeing the connection.

“So he just mutilated your character in the process of being petty towards me. If he likes you _and_ Lora so much, why would he basically make you a villain? We both know that Rhysio’s deal with Vysatra was legitimate. He really was trying to save them all. Having her kill Rhys because she refused to hear him out isn’t going to endear Lora to the audience.”

“God, people are going to hate me. The fans love Rhys.”

“They’re not going to hate you, but they’ll definitely hate Lora.”

She scoffs. “Same difference for most of them.”

“I’m just so confused. How is James supposed to redeem you after this? There are three episodes left — it’s not long enough for people to forgive you, but it’s too long for them to not address it at all. If she’d turned on him in the finale, at least they could’ve avoided the awkwardness of what comes after, but with this— How are they going to bring the audience back to caring what happens to you?”

“Maybe I’ll become the villain?”

“In three episodes? You’ve never been the villain before; I can’t imagine that’s the ending they were going for. And even if killing me was bad, you still want to save everyone. You aren’t really a villain unless they commit to making you evil. Right now they’ve basically just turned you into an idiot who committed murder because she couldn’t trust her best friend.”

“And they really took an axe to the whole relationship, too. I mean, having her say _so much for together_ after all that they’ve been through, like it didn’t matter at all. It invalidates six other seasons of character growth.”

“They’re going to regret this.”

“James won’t care who he upsets. He’s convinced he already has his sequel series about the other Wild Space planets. He doesn’t care if he upsets the existing fans because he was annoyed with their shipping anyway. He doesn’t want them following him to the next project.”

“No one has picked up his new show yet — it’s stupid to nuke his existing fanbase on the hopes that HBO will decide his sequel is worth it. It’s always been the shippers that kept us on air. They’re the ones who would’ve fought for his sequel if he’d given them something to be excited about. Now they’ll just feel betrayed.”

“They should feel betrayed. He’s baited them for years to keep the views up and now he’s deliberately undermining them.”

“Undermining us too.”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “Us too.”

She flops over, resting her head in his lap. He runs his fingers through her hair comfortingly.

“Are you upset?” He asks.

“Are you not?”

“I am, but I also knew that I was being written out. It’s more petty than I’d anticipated, but this whole season has been a disaster for Rhys, so I was sort of prepared. And I’m going to be vindicated as soon as they realize the deal was actually going to help them. It’s Lora who is being destroyed. And you’re the one who will have to keep going in for filming and deal with the fallout. I’ll just get to stay home and be dead.”

She doesn’t say anything for a moment, letting him play with her hair some more. He occasionally stops to add a random braid in before combing his fingers back through to brush it out.

Finally, she quietly admits, “I don’t want to kill you.”

“I don’t want you to kill me either. But I don’t think we can change their minds.”

“No, I mean—” she turns over, laying in his lap face up so she can see him— “I don’t want to have to film the scene. I don’t want to have to act out murdering you in cold blood.”

“It’ll be okay,” he says, dragging his thumb across her cheekbone. “We’ll come home after and get takeout from the chinese place you like. It’ll be a _fuck James Rathburg_ party. We can alternate between bitching and making out.”

She smiles up at him, glad that her husband is so insistent on making her happy. 

“I love you, Bell.”

He leans down to press a kiss to her lips. 

“Love you too, loser. Even if you’re totally gonna murder me.”

She pinches his nipple through his shirt at the words, and it leads to a playful wrestling match. And then, when they’ve fallen off the couch mid-fight, they have some livingroom floor sex, script completely forgotten on the side table.

***

_“Cut!”_ Calls the slightly exasperated director.

“What now?” Clarke asks, frustrated that they won’t let it play out. The only thing she wants to do less than film this awful scene is to film it thirty seven million times because it’s never good enough.

“You need to play it less sad,” Marcus says again. It’s the same note he’s given her the last three times they’ve stopped.

“Marcus, you know she’d be at least a little bit sad. Even if she is willing to kill him over this, he’s still the most important person in her world. There should be some regret. She is losing something big here. Her soulmate and her humanity.”

“James wants her to look angry during the fight and satisfied after she shoots. No sadness.”

It’s not Marcus’s fault, of course. He didn’t even want to direct this episode, as far as she can tell, but he was called in when their guest director suddenly became unavailable a few weeks ago.

Marcus was actually one of the directors throughout the show’s history to be overtly pro-Lorsio. He’d been around to film one of their most iconic season one moments, and the scene ended up being so good that from then on he was their go-to director for episodes that veered into Lora/Rhysio territory. He knew just how to block and shoot the scenes for maximum impact.

“It would be out of character for her not to be sad.”

“I know, Clarke.” Marcus runs his hand over his face, clearly exhausted. “But James was really insistent.”

“James isn’t here,” she points out.

“So we’ll compromise. If you can tone down the sadness a little, I won’t make you smile as you walk over his dead body.”

She mutters something under her breath, but Bellamy just smiles at her from his mark.

“I can say something to piss you off before they call action,” Bellamy says. “Really get you in the mood to kill me.”

She just rolls her eyes at him, smiling against her better judgment. It’s just like him to be turning his own on-screen death into a joke for her benefit.

“No, I’m good. Let’s do it again. I just want to get this over with.”

“Okay, let’s take it again from Rhysio’s ‘you don’t trust me’ line,” Marcus says, speaking louder to get the rest of the crew’s attention.

Once he calls action, Bellamy says, “Don’t you trust me?”

He looks so quietly heartbroken, so betrayed that she might have lost faith in him after all they’ve been through. He had saved her so many times that it must feel inconceivable that she no longer believes in him.

She keeps her voice hard, biting out her lines. Despite that, there is a vulnerability in her eyes. She doesn’t want to kill him. Lora would never want this. 

“Don’t make this about me. I’m not the traitor here.”

His face falls. Rhysio had been through so much to earn the respect and trust of others. He had been brash in the beginning, a leader without clear plans. He had made so many mistakes, but then again so had she. It was only when they were together that they could temper each other. He gave her strength and conviction, and she kept him centered and focused.

To be called a turncoat by the person he loved the most in the universe…

“I’m not a traitor,” he says, pleadingly, “and you know it. You know it, Lora. You would’ve made the same deal if you were there. If you’ll just let me explain—”

She cuts him off, angry and hurt and a million other things.

“No.” She shakes her head, almost like she’s trying not to let herself be convinced by his words. Her arm moves to aim the blaster at him with more intention, making her position on the matter clear.

Bellamy raises his hands in surrender, trying to calm the situation.

“Lor, you aren’t going to kill me. Please, _please—”_ he chokes out. “Let me explain.”

She doesn’t want to hear his begging, doesn’t want to give him power over her again. But just for a moment, she lets her face reflect just how conflicted this is all making her. It’s not an easy decision, and it _shouldn’t_ be.

“Why should I listen to you after what you’ve done?”

“Because you _know who I am,”_ he says, stepping towards her, desperate to restore her faith in him. She can see the tears trailing silently down his cheeks. “You _know_ I would do anything to protect our people. We’ve been doing that together for so long.”

She wants to cry at the memories this evokes. All the journeys they’ve been on together, all the stupidly brave things they’ve done to keep others alive. But she schools her face, maintaining the upper hand in the argument.

“So much for together,” she says bitterly. Destroying one of the most important words in their partnership. _Together._ There is no together anymore.

He reaches forward, eyes pleading. “Lor—”

She steels herself for a split second before squeezing the trigger of the blaster. 

There is no sound affect, no light of the laser beam to accompany the motion. But the action breaks her heart all the same.

The script wants her to smile.

 _James_ wants her to smile.

He wants her to destroy Rhysio, the ship, and herself all at once.

She won’t do it.

Bellamy falls to the ground, dead before he hits the floor. She can only think that he had died begging for her to just listen to him. To believe in him, after all this time.

It all could’ve gone so differently if she wasn’t so stubborn.

There are tears in her eyes. She isn’t sure if they belong to Lora or Clarke.

They quickly change angles to get the last shot, starting with a close up on Rhysio’s blank stare before panning back to see her walk off, stepping over his dead body in the process. No regret and no remorse, forcing herself onward without him.

When they call cut, Marcus looks relieved. Whatever emotions she’s let through to her face must’ve been just minimal enough to pass muster. James won’t be completely satisfied with the compromise, but he can deal with it. It’s his fault her character is being massacred in the first place.

After a few quick additional shots to make sure they have everything they need, Bellamy is allowed to stand up.

Marcus turns to the crew and members of the cast who have come in during their time off to see the scene. “And that’s a wrap on Rhysio Melne. Thank you Bellamy for a wonderful seven seasons.”

The assembled audience claps for him. Most of the cast had been pretty surprised when they learned that the writers were killing off Rhysio. Bellamy, for all that he’s just finished a dramatic death scene, seems to be in good spirits. He takes time to talk to members of the crew, people they’ve been working alongside for years. He takes pictures with them if they ask, wanting to remember the day. She gets in a few when requested.

She can’t imagine _wanting_ to remember today.

Still, she smiles when a camera is pointed her way. The crew had always loved Rhysio’s scenes, and they’d especially liked Bellamy.

He’s smiling as he makes his rounds, saying goodbyes and hugging friends and coworkers who he may very well never work with again. He even cracks a few jokes about his death.

When he looks over at her though, he seems to realize just how much she wants to _leave._

Not that she’d ever ask him to go — not when it’s his final day. He should get to revel in this. They’ve done everything to bring him down and yet he’s still smiling. Even in death Rhysio is the beating heart of the show. If people want to tell him how amazing he is and how much he’ll be missed, she doesn’t want to interrupt that.

Her husband _deserves_ this praise after being cast aside by the writers all season. He’d put so much of himself into this character, and it’s nice to hear that not everyone was completely unappreciative.

Still, he must see how miserable she is. When he smiles at her from across the room, it’s softer than any of the ones he’s been flashing the cast and crew. It’s a smile of understanding, mixed with a little sadness.

He makes his way back over to her, bumping his shoulder (his upper arm, really) into hers. “Want to leave?”

“Not if you’re not ready to go. It’s been seven years — you should say goodbye to Rhys properly.”

He casts his eyes around the room quickly before leaning towards her, lowering his voice. “The best way to say goodbye to Rhys is alone at home with just you. I know it isn’t really their fault — no one here had power over the script, and James was too much of a coward to come in for filming today. But I can’t help but feel like they didn’t _mind_ when he mistreated me. You spoke up for me.”

“Of course I did. You're my husband.”

He smiles widely. “Best thing I could ever take away from this show. And I think that Rhysio would want me to say goodbye to him while he’s alone with Lora anyway.”

“Lora just killed him.”

He tips her chin up so she can’t avoid his eyes.

“No she didn’t. James killed him with bad writing and spite. Lora would never do that to Rhys, and we both know it.”

“So you’re saying we just ignore canon?”

He nods. “Ignore canon and drink heavily. I’m pretty sure that’s what most Star Wars fans do anyhow.”

“Let’s go home and have that drink then,” she says, taking his hand in hers. 

She’s so, so lucky to be leaving this awful day with him. It would be easy to hate the show after seeing what it’s become. Easy to regret the wasted years trying to make her character into someone _good._

But she will never be able to regret any of it, at least not the parts that she had control over. Being here brought her to him. This show will always be the greatest gift.

“Lorsio forever?” She asks with a smile as they walk towards their car in the lot.

“Lorsio forever,” he says with a genuine laugh. “And Bellarke, too.”

She stops midway through the parking lot to pull him into a kiss. “Bellarke is the best ship,” she says as she pulls away. “Ten outta ten, would recommend.” Then, more seriously, she adds, “I’m so glad I have you.”

His face melts into a mushy, heartfelt smile. “I’m so glad I have you too.”

When they get home that night, after eating their chinese food, bitching, and making out, she makes sure to show him just how much Lora loved Rhysio. And just how much Clarke loves Bellamy.

***

Six months later, long after they’ve wrapped and the episode airs, the internet _explodes_ with rage.

A little bit of it is at Lora, just because of the nature of the story, but the overwhelming majority is at the showrunner James Rathburg.

 _How could you do this to Rhysio?_ they demand. _How could you do this to Lora? How could you ruin the heart of your show four episodes from the end? What did any of it mean? What was the point? Why are we meant to care now?_

Clarke and Bellamy post their goodbyes to a beloved character, thanking the fans for their endless support for the show and Rhysio. Bellamy tells them how much of an honor it was to play him, in good times and bad, and how much he’s loved having the chance to meet so many of them throughout the years.

Their corner of the internet mourns for a long time. People had grown to love Rhysio — had seen themselves in him and his endless capacity to do better.

She hopes they’ll be okay, hopes they’ll find comfort and peace the same way that she has — by completely disregarding the awful ending and pretending that it ended at season six.

(It’s only going to get worse if they actually watch through to the finale anyway. Every character ended up with a horrible conclusion, and Lora died anyway after learning that Rhys had been right all along. Go figure. _What did any of it mean_ indeed.)

But it’ll all be okay in the end, Clarke’s sure.

And the reason she’s sure is that they’ve already planned to film a short romance scene for the internet between two random characters that just happen to be named Cora and Vhysio. Camera phones and twitter really are a marvel. It’ll be up the _day_ that their contracts end.

She can’t wait.

Corsio endgame confirmed.

**Author's Note:**

> Can you tell that I know absolutely nothing about the Star Wars universe OR what actually happened in season 7? Hahahahaha okay I'm gonna go cry now :)
> 
> Follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/andiebwrites) to see me bitch about this disaster.


End file.
